Hi blog family!!
Today was special and I will share my speech with you for fosterparents and adoptive... IF you are in a group home...I want you to focus on HOW TO MAKE YOU BETTER!! SCHOOL, CHOOSING GOOD FRIENDS, ASKING QUESTIONS, STAYING AWAY FROM TROUBLE...AND TELLING YOURSELF EVERY DAY....I AM SPECIAL!!! I have friends that made it out of group homes just fine BECAUSE they kept their sanity and never allowed themselves to give up!! You are amazing and You have divine purpose to be here!!! find out what it is....if you ever need me to answer any questions....email me tgirlcooper@yahoo.com there is NO reason you cannot be a success!!! You were born to win!!!xo
Do your part by staying in school and becoming the next president!! (ok...i'm just saying you should go for the top so that you can help change the world)...but we love you no matter what you do!!!
SPECIAL THANKS TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE FOSTER OR ADOPTED KIDS, YOUR WORK IS NOTED AND APPRECIATED!! XO TANYA
“A PIECE OF MY STORY” by Tanya Cooper
August 13, 2011
No part is to be reprinted without permission from the author
I’d like to thank all of you,
for allowing me to share in your celebration of foster and adoptive parents.
I know all to well the impact a great foster parent can have on a child not only reaching independence - that part is easy, just turning 21 gives you independent status- The real test is once your kids are on their your own: knowing how to navigate life when storms come and how to enjoy life- even in the middle of a storm!
I will share a piece of my story with you and a brief memory of one of the best days of my life! The 1st day i meet my foster mother!
I remember a policeman and a CPS worker knocking on our door when i was 5 yrs. old. I vaguely remember being moved around to a couple of different group homes in NYC.
My memory starts to become clear when my case got transferred to Westchester County in the early 1970’s. My mother was a heroin addict and alcoholic, who often lost track of time: hours, days, weeks, months would pass!
My sister became our mother when she was 5 years old! When we had no lights or food, my sister would comfort us and find a loaf of bread. One time, she snuck us out of the apt to get fresh air, I fell off a swing and needed stitches under my eye, she had someone call the ambulance, while she had her street friends find my mother first, so that no one would know we were outside alone.
When we needed a hug because we missed mommy, my she would wrap her loving arms around us, until we forgot about mom not being home.
when a curtain caught on fire - because my brother discovered matches, my sister put the fire out!
When my brother Rob and I had chicken pox- it was my sister rubbing calamine lotion on us!
There were many times we should have been in a foster home or could have starved to death, but by the grace of God - we were always protected from harm.
We would see our mother every now and then but eventually due to her addiction- she stopped showing up - my sister also got tired of playing mommy around 8 yrs. old.
She knew she could love us but she could no longer keep us feed and safe! Cps was called in and my mother would later lose her rights, her 4 kids and her battle with addiction! I am grateful to her for knowing she did not have the tools to care for us. It was my foster mother that made me understand, sometimes, your parents are only a vehicle to get you here-
My memory becomes very clear when I think of the 1st time I meet my foster mother- who was a widow with one adopted son and 2 foster boys at the time she got
my brother and I - BUT later would meet and marry my favorite man, my foster father!
I was 7 years old and It was the 1970‘s - We were living at a large group home facility and it was a special day because foster parents would come visit and choose a child to take home-now that style is outdated but i share this story for a reason.
I was in the gym with many other kids running & playing. I remember I was with my sister and my brother Rob.
Everyone was playing, laughing, running but me! I was excited that someone may “choose” me to go to a real home! I wore a pretty yellow dress that was way to small because that was all that could be found for me. Even though it was not my size, it was the 1st dress I owned!!
I was able to to be grateful very early because I knew previously, I wore the same clothes for months,
I thought hard that day in the gym while I waited to find a new home.
because I had moved around to a few of different places, I knew then, I did not like this “group home life, accept for the fact that; there was always food and i was with my siblings.
In the group home the kids appeared to run
As i stood in the gym that summer day, I noticed my baby brother running, smiling and checking back with me every few minutes.
My sister was in eye sight with her new friends. My brother Rob ran over and looked up at me and said: “Sis - you think we’ll find a home?” I said: “yes,, and I am not going unless you and T come- keep smiling, maybe someone will notice us” My baby brother had an infectious smile, so I knew if anyone walked in that we” liked, and they saw him, we would have a home!
I remember the sun literally shinning on me when a beautiful woman, well dressed walked in the gym! My brother Rob came over and gave me a look that said: “she’s the one”.
I don’t know how i knew, but i knew that was going to be my new mommy! She walked past all the kids, straight to Rob and and I, she looked down with a smile and said: “why look at you with your beautiful auburn afro- your about the prettiest little girl i have seen and I want a daughter- would you want to live with me?” I remember she smelled so good, (I would later find out Chanel #5) she had on the nicest clothes I ever saw!
BUT- I wasn’t going without T and Rob. I said to her: “I can’t go, unless you bring my sister and brothers”!
My sister came around us; observing, listening, contemplating, using her street smart skills to decide if this woman was worth us being separated!
I was excited but scared- they warned us most people like babies, they will not take 2 kids, must less 4! We couldn’t leave baby mark!
My sister called us over then the worker called my sister over to speak private- they always talked to her first. It was because of her street smarts we had not starved to death!
So we did not do anything in the group home, without her approval!
Waiting for an answer, my soon to be foster mother started telling me about her “big House” and how I would have my very own room! BUT she also said: she could only take two of us and that my sister and baby Mark could visit anytime! I told her”no thanks” but then my sister stepped in and with a sad but convincing face said: Tanya, listen, you and Rob need a home, I will be alright, i promise I will come and see you”. While I was sad to leave my sister behind, i knew i wasn’t cut out for group home life. I was excited Rob and I now had a home and a new mommy!!
I share this story because I am grateful to all the foster parents who share their home, their family and there time!
Raising someone else's children after neglect, abuse or abandonment is a challenge and you all here today that take the time to invest in our foster children deserve to be honored! Not just for “taking a kid”- anyone can do that- but for nurturing them back to mental and physical health, for unconditional love with hugs and providing constant words of encouragement-even when you were told they had a disability!
My life would not be the same had my foster mother not listened to her inner voice, that told her, yes, you have 3 kids but 2 more needs extra love!!
I know it was no easy task loving an angry teen but my foster mother knew I was hurt that my birth mom never came back for us. She knew because she had lost both of her parents when she was young, being raised by her grandfather! So when I rebelled and acted out as a teen for many reasons, she put on what I call “mom repellent” and challenged me to excel!!
When the doctors tried to give me a title of learning challenges and ADD, ADHD, my foster mother insisted i stay focused and channel my energy with: sports, singing in the church choir, dancing, ballet, camp, after-school activities - so that I would not become bored! Thanks to my patient, loving foster mother, I eventually got new letters - My B.A.S. from N.Y.U!!
I learned from my foster mother that a foster parent is “called” into this field for the love of helping others- even if its temporary you can have an impact!
This is not a job you do “just for a check” because all kids will make you work for every penny!
A foster parent has a vision a goal for their child. They are able to meet the child where they are at, because their parenting instincts tell them: when their child; “IS” or IS NOT”, ABLE”, ON POINT or IN TROUBLE!”
I am here today, living proof that foster care does work if a child gets the right home- a home that teaches them, like my foster mother taught me, “I am responsible for my future and can never feel sorry for myself or lose faith in hard times!
My mother held us to high standards and she had many requirements.
We were blessed to have 6 tv’s in our house, but you could only watch certain shows - on one tv - together as a family and you HAD to read books and newspapers daily in order to watch a tv show in my house!
One of my birth brothers was dyslexic but my mom did not care, she made him read and write every morning and afternoon!
I became the best speller because when i got a word wrong, she made me rewrite it 10 times!! My mother never allowed excuses for failure. There was no such thing as “you can’t” or “I give up” and the only title you had in her home was “my child”!
In conclusion:
when I aged out at 21, I had good times and hard times but I always bounced back because of the values and faith my foster parents taught me!
i am so grateful my parents insisted on the basics, I learned patience and that not everything happens or comes together, without , a vision, a written plan, hard work and thought!!
most importantly, my parents took the time to find out what each of our God given talents and purpose were, she told us daily: “We all have divine purpose”: My foster parents believed kids with alot of energy should be busy with ; dancing, drawing, singing, inventing things, writing stories, listening, talking, -
your foster child has a special gift or talent that was given to them - it is crucial you find out what “IT” is, and focus their energy on that”!
through my gifts of speaking, i have been able to help children labeled with ADD- ADHD and behavior problems focus their energy and reach their potential! - By the way- all those other titles we label kids with; its just UNFOCUSED energy! It can be channelled to do good- thanks to my foster parents, I am living proof!
Thank you!
