setting the groundwork for future vacations..

Hi Blog fam!
I hope you are enjoying your vacation.
I know often kids in group homes do not get to go on vacation, but your time will come.
 It is important now for you to set the ground work for when you leave the system.
You are writing down your goals,
 talking with teachers or counselors to see how you can get to the right sources for future college or trade school,
 making friends that are about something and going to class EVERY day!
  saving some of your allowance, if you get $13 you put atleast $5 in your savings account.
 going shopping for clothes that make sense, not eat all your money... Urban outfitters, modells, joyce leslie, topshop, target, (don't play, they have good gear, lol)..
 pinching a little off that $100 for clothes and putting $5-10 of that in your savings account..RIGHT???

You and I know that you don't get alot of money, but saving one penny for 80 years if better than not saving at all.
..ask the 88 year old man who saved all his penny's from when he was a boy, he was a millionaire and did not know it!!
You don't have to be a millionaire but you do have to be responsible for your financial future and what better time than now?
Always look at life like you WILL be here the next day and if you are how can you be more comfortable than when you were in the group home?
 There is no cinderella or cinderfella for us group home kids, there is only reality, YOU MUST SAVE and PLAN for you FUTURE!!
its that simple, if you don't you cannot complain about how your life sucks and why x has more than you.
When you don't have parents to back you up, you have to rely on the universe, God and YOURSELF to have your back.
Not in an angry way..be proud that you are responsible for you, you could be an autistic adult that needed 24/7 supervision. Life is ALWAYS great, when you have mind, body and health!!
God and life has been good to you, you are here, still standing after all you went through! You deserve an applause for making it through the hardest part of life, childhood.
Don't forget when your older, have no fear, you are in charge and you will NOT repeat the mistakes your parents made, your planning, and making moves for the future!!
You are blessed, favored and loved, xo Tanya
Don't let anyone steal your joy, you deserve happiness!!
smile and be kind to another kid today, you may make their day!

any flicks, pics or history??

Hi blog family!
I hope you are enjoying your break and doing productive and fun things: checking out the movies, museums, (yes, you need to go to learn about history and other artist or historians work)...Remember you want to be well cultured, learning about many things in your walk of life!

ANYWHO...(Dr. Seuess).

Do you know the value of a picture in your life?
Do you have any pictures of yourself when you were young? If the answer is no, that's ok.
 As of today I want you to start taking pictures of yourself and your accomplishments. If you are playing ball or did a great painting at school or went on a trip i want you to take a picture! A picture is worth a thousand words- it tells your past!
I have no pictures of me as a baby, the agency did not take any and the one's my foster mother had when i was 7-18 got burned in a fire.
I never really cared to be in a photo until I  had my kids... now i can't share how I looked or what people was wearing during that time. You may not think about it now but pictures are very important in your future life, it's like a piece of history without words. Your friends have camera's and staff can get one if your at a group home, just make sure you take pictures of all your fun moments! When i am long gone from this good earth, it is good to know my great grandkids will know me from a photo, so smile, your in need of a camera shot!!
xo
ps. smile, you are loved and special. Education is everything, go to class and hold your head high at all times!!!
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Endurance

Hi blog family! Sorry I have been working hard on the book in hopes of helping you have an easier time in foster care! As some of you know my baby brother was my life! I have missed him dearly since he passed away. When I think back to when we went into foster care and all the years until he died - He never gave up! He stuck it out until the very end. As a kid Rob never gave up and I want you to do the same, this blog is dedicated to him so read on and I hope something is said to touch your heart - Tanya


ENDURANCE = KEEP GOING WHEN YOU WANT TO GIVE UP!


a kid i knew wanted to play a sport. He found out it was harder than he thought but he really wanted to play because he knew sports was a good way to find new friends. His other friends were into smoking and other bad habits and he knew that was not for him, so he joined a sport. By the first few days he wanted to quit. Today I asked him why he did not quit, he said: "endurance".. I have to push myself if I want to make a change".
Lesson: there will be times when you want to give up.
 Maybe you owe old homework, maybe you feel like  what's the point if no one, like mom is there to encourage you. Maybe you want to quit the sports team your on or drop out of a play or just not want to put effort into making your future better by going to class!
There are lots of reasons people choose to give up but you should have none - because your not a quitter, never give up on you, even when everyone is saying negative things or not being nice,
YOU are most important and if you don't give up on yourself, others will see the light and say: "hey, maybe this kid is something special". Do you know how many times  people like: Nelson Mandela, John F. Kennedy,P.Diddy, Oprah, JayZ, Justin Beber, Raven Simone, Keisha Cole, Alonzo Mourning, (who was adopted), Dr. Martin Luther King & Ann Frank heard ,"NO" or "YOU CAN'T" or "YOU WILL NEVER"!
The word edurance means to keep pushing, even when your tired. NOTHING GREAT comes to you without perserverence, hard work and effort! If you want to change friends or find new ones like my friend don't let anything stop you: set up a goal/write it down on paper with a deadline, (1 week or 1 year:
 EXAMPLE:
 1. write out your purpose of goal...I want to be a singer but i am shy;;; goal: meet and talk to everyone that seems ok to talk to, sing at our fun night at school-in front of all the people. Doing this will help you overcome being shy. If you meet new people and they are not nice, WHO cares, move to the next person, everybody can't tell you no!! You are the bomb, and when you wake up and realize it, somebody else will! (this is different than being conceited)

 Goal: will play a sport or join a club:
 Purpose: to meet new friends who don't do drugs or skip classes, (not saying that all kids who do sports are not doing bad things BUT if a school is a good school they have strict rules on sports players keeping up grades and going to class, they can't stay the best players forever if they are getting high or drinking every night!
no matter how hard your goal is, keep trying. If you try and someone stops you, it is only for a little while, a break I call it, because if you really want to reach your goal, you will get your head together while the other person is thinking you gave up. Think hard on how to do harder the next day or time, and if that day is bad, think of how to do it better the next, keep trying until you see the success YOU want in your life.. if you wanted to meet new friends and you meet 2 instead of 10 that's ok, at least you meet someone new!
If you wanted an A and got a C+, that's ok because before you were a C, in other words: NEVER GIVE  UP ON YOU and as long as you keep trying, you are a winner!
Know that you are loved and special!

just saying hi

Hi blog family!
I hope you had a good sunday, out walking, riding a bike, playing ball, whatever as long as you were out and getting your sunshine!
 I shared some of my story today in the journal news and I hope that you are keeping a journal of your experience in foster care so that one day you will help others or become a good writer!! be kind and know that you are special,
Tanya

Learn to appreciate YOU!

This was me, back in the 80's (before you were born)...people use to say I had a great smile and that I respected EVeryone I meet, they were right, i knew my smile would make someone have a good day and me treating everyone with respect, was how I wanted to be treated. 

Hi I hope you had a great day at school today. I hope you meet new friends that were into sports or something productive. I hope everyone noticed you today, for the special person you are!

Do you know what makes YOU so special?
If you can't answer get a pen and paper....
1. ask 10 of your friends or teachers what they LIKE about you...(not don't like, we can talk about that another time)...
2. go home and look over how many said the same thing: "you have a great smile", you cheer me up, whatever, pay attention, if most said the same thing, they are not lying...
3. I know you have something special that no one else has because most foster kids are charming, (they have to be to get what they need at times)...
4. YOU write down what you think is special about YOU....
what did you come up with? You have a great smile, you never complain, you are fast, you are smart, you love a challenge, you never back down for what you believe in, all of these are gifts. Your job is to learn what you do well and keep doing it! Your charm can get you alot in this world, especially if you are honest, loyal and good to ALL people...(yes, we don't believe in prejudice, that's for uneducated or mentally stuck people...)
Learn to appreciate you, spend time by yourself, (not isolating and cutting off the world), but taking a walk or bike ride, taking yourself to eat out (healthy I hope)...spend time with YOU, get to know you and what you like.. if you don't love you, how can anyone else??
You are special and God loves you, the universe needs you here to create good change and save someone elses life!
Smile, be kind to all of your friends and enemy's, (hopefully you don't have any)...Go out into the world and help someone else feel good today, xo Tanya

Bobby's Corner: Mean Teacher or adult ALERT!!

Hi all!
 I hope you had a great day at school......and you did all of your homework!!
Anywho,
 i was thinking of when i was young and I had a few teachers that treated me bad because I was a foster kid....
I would raise my hand, they would ignore me,
I would hand in my work on time, they would find something bad to say about it...
I would not talk during class, they would send a not saying i was not participating! when i needed help...i never got it or i was labeled as something wrong because i did not get it...I was just as smart as the other kids, i just started school late and i was a visual learner...
Have you experienced this?
 I have some advice for you.
  You may be having it ruff right now, acting out in class or giving a teacher a hard time, if this is your case, STOP IT!! you know better!!
BUT most of the time we get the bad end of the stick because of ignorant adults!
You deserve to be treated like any kid, with respect!
 I want you to do your best and still be polite to the teacher or adult that is not kind to you..ever heard the saying" killem with kindness?"
 People can't be mean too long if you ignore them... I know i am old enough to be your momma!
 Don''t let bad teachers destroy your good side. Your best revenge is doing good! If a teacher or an adult does not have faith in you you have to show them what you are made of, 100% go getter material!!By doing good and finishing school, they realize they should have rooted for you not against you, the winner!
If they are really on you about everything and the class agree's with you and notices how you  are treated, tell your principle!
 Have the other kids verify that you are being good in class but no matter what you do this teacher is not kind.
If that does not work talk to your counselor at home or where you live, maybe they could have a conference with the teacher. 
If the teacher knows you have people looking out for you that are interested in your educational future, they are less likely to treat you any kind of way!!
Still make no excuse for failure.
 go to class.
 study hard, 
we need you to be a lawyer, scientist, judge or doctor, (or great teacher that treats all kids equal)...
stay on your A game, you need to be an asset to the world and you can do anything with an education and lots of planning...talk soon...
you are loved blessed and needed
xo Tanya

Teens making new friends and keeping them

Before being in care some of us had to endure our parents drug use or ill mental health.

 Often times we had to worry about who was coming to visit, if someone was going to hurt us or if we could trust that person. Often, we could not.

 Being in an unstable home causes children to grow into worrying adults who end up with OCD or ulcers. 

Life before foster care can be hard and we are blessed to have lived to tell our stories.

 In reality we never learned to foster good relationships that bring out the best in us and make us want to be open and loving to others. As a child we may have "built a wall" as a "defense mechanism, (a way to protect our selves). You learned to drop friends and mates easily because you had no choice - you had to move again!

Now you are safe and in a stable home or maybe your not, either way you need to learn to trust again. 

How do you do that?

1. Use your instinct. (when you meet someone, your gut feeling usually tells you to like or not to like, follow that feeling, its called your 6th sense and is a gift from the universe that allows you to make a decision based on that feeling.

2. be honest with yourself, is this a person i want in my life for a long time? Am I going to learn anything from this person...if not move on, if the answer is yes, take  a risk, they may be worth it!

3.take a risk! if the person is not a troublemaker and has good intentions of helping you grow as a person, why not? 

If you find out you befriended a person who is bad or did you wrong, drop them and move on to the next friend, but only because they were bad not because you are defending yourself from hurt and want to drop them before they drop you.... 

Did you do your homework today? Good if you did, get going if you did not, homework was created to keep you on your toes, if you don't do it you are only hurting yourself because you are taking the easy way out and not preparing yourself for all the work you need to do for college, there are no easy roads, hard work is a must to rise up and be the best you!! you are loved xo

Tanya

STOP WORRYING, START LIVING YOUR LIFE!!

HI BLOG FAMILY!! 

I hope u had a great day at school. 

I wanted to talk to you about something. 

HOW TO STOP WORRYING..

OK WE ALL HAVE worry sometime, especially adults because they have to pay bills, make sure your safe, give you hugs and keep everything running smooth so that u don't have to worry BUT

as us foster kids know....that is not the case!

Often at our homes before foster care we had to worry about where our next meal was coming from, if mommy or daddy was "ok" from drinking too much, will they hit us, yell, scream, be mad, did we have food, clothes, will we have lights, water, will i make it through the night?

That is usually how a foster kid thinks because you are coming from a bad situation. NOW that you are in a foster home, you should have less worrying, (although I know you will, it is our nature, the only way we protected ourselves when we were not sure of what was next). In a foster home you should be able to let your guard down a little if your new parents or parent is good at partenting. You should have plenty of food, the lights should be on, their should be no screaming, (ok parents get mad sometimes if your acting up but they should not be screaming at you, if they do, what do they expect you to learn?)

If you are in a group home or if you know u will be moved again, i understand your need to worry BUT here are some things about worry i want you to understand, i wish someone would have told me...listen up...i got some of these ideas from a guy named Dale Carnige, (how to stop worrying) read the book if u can)...

1. think of what your problem is: (a bully, no stable home, no food, someone is hurting me, someone is mean to me)

2. Think of the WORST thing that can happen from that problem: the bully could beat me up, i don't have a stable home, i have no food and am hungry, someone is hurting me, everyone is mean to me).. ok if you can answer, you are still alive which = U ARE STILL STANDING =YOUR A SURVIVOR, NOTHING IS TOO BIG FOR YOU TO HANDLE IF U ARE ALIVE WITH YOUR MIND!

3. even if the worst IS happening and you cannot report it for whatever reason, HOLD ONTO YOUR SANITY! REMEMBER:  if you get beat up, you may have a few bruises, maybe even broken bones, (i hope not), but you are still alive and that means you still have purpose for being here!! 

4. ACCEPTANCE IS THE KEY TO STOP WORRYING AND START LIVING AND ENJOYING YOUR CHILDHOOD NOW! 

5. when you start to worry tell your mind worst senario, the worst thing that could happen, then think ok I accept that if THAT happens... u should stop worrying at that point.. if i accept that a bully MAY beat me up, talk to my teachers, principle or worker to prevent it,  their is not much you can do after you have defended yourself, so stop thinking the worse, even when it shows up, get up dust yourself off, cry, talk to someone and then GO out and enjoy life!

I want you to know many things happen to ALL people in life, but what you do after is what counts...stop worrying and start living...

I love all of you and i want you to love yourself and live life being happy, stress free.....now do your home work...xo Tanya

you can always write me without your name if you have any questions...