The Use of Skype Ordered in Family Court

The Use of Skype Ordered in Family Court

keep in touch with your sibilings with skype! I suggested this in my last speaking engagement to social workers-nice to see the judge and I are on the same page! There is no reason you cannot keep in touch with your sister or brother if you are seperated--unless they were the ones who abused you or they were adopted...keep trying to ask your worker to see your siblilings regularly and to skype them, you have a right to see your family member if they are available and helpful in your life. You are loved and blessed~~

healing from abuse

make a difference

hi blog family!
I know school is going good and you are making good choices for your future!
I wanted you to remember you can make a difference--even in foster care!

 Share your talent or gift with others, (singing, writing, math, computerskills, sports),
teach some kid that is clueless how to do something better!
If all else fails......smile, you may save or change a life...

 I finished my book: Surviving fostercare and making it work for you" - i will let you know how to get it next week...
do something positive this week and always take care of you by treating your mind and body sacred! xo tanya

healing from abuse

Movie on 2010-07-20 at 10.32.mov

what to do when the police approach you?

Hi blog family!
I do not like writing about bad things--unless it can help you. Since most of you reading are in a group home, I am guessing you have no one to tell you this. A college football player was killed near my town a few days ago. He was parked in a fire zone--that means no parking because the fire trucks have to have access to that spot to give water--if a fire or emergency occur)...anyway the young black male saw the officer coming over to knock on the window, (which in NYC, that means move your car fast!) BUT the young man started driving off because he thought the police knock wanted him to move, (so says his friend that was a passenger in the car)..the other cop thought he was "escaping" and jumped on the hood and started shooting--killing the young man, and the man running over another officer (dahaa he was shot)...the point of this story?
You are kind of young but I know you realize alot of black men, boys are being shot, for no reason...Amado Dialo--reaching for a wallet--Rodney king--beaten, the hatian asulted by police officers...even eleanor bumpers...it seems to SOME cops black life has little meaning, shoot, then ask questions.....SO what can YOU do?? first-dont be angry, this is our cross to bear in this life--it may not be right but it is OUR job to teach others that we are human to and we deserve the same respect as any other human. So take away the anger--(because many things will happen as far as race as you get older BUT YOU never let others get a reaction from you and you never participate in RACISM--against ANYONE! It is the most evil thing on earth--look at what slave masters did and Hitler--literally killing, maming, raping, beating people---because of their color or religion! Read the book the LOttery... go to the library and get it for free! read night--a great book about a man who survived Oustiwitz--(hitler concentration camp)..Read Nelson Mandel's book...he was in jail over 25 years because of racism-and he came out a winner! There is no excuse to be a loser--many have survived racism and came out still with love in their hearts!

Your job is to never react with retalitaion, but carefrontationally and with thought--how can I make this person see they are wrong for picking on me ...I don't care who it is: the racist teacher, cop, student--racist are all the same, they don't want you to grow or enjoy life and they will do ANYTHING in their power to stop you, (not educate you, lie on you, call you names like the N word and tell you lies about your history--so that you are confused, lost and desperate--don't worry, none of this matters, you work on being a better you--because there will always be jerks in the world--learn how to work around them or step over them in a kind way--by ignoring them or showing them what  has made you last this long-strength, courage and wisdom!
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IF YOU ARE STOPPED BY POLICE: go ask any cop you know or trooper (for the highway)..they know better than me but if you were my son or daughter--i would say...
1. if you are walking-stop (woman cannot be searched by a male officer)- men they are only sopose to search you if they have cause, (they saw you make a deal, in a fight with a weapon)... this will not be your case..
2. hope there are witness around but if not stay calm and do as your told! no talking back, cursing, drama--do what your told, lay on the ground, against the car..do it-your job is to get to the precint or home SAFE!
3. don't remind them but they have to read you your maranda rights IF they arrest you--if they dont--follow along until you get to the precint or home--
4. know a lawyer who can advise you on a innocent situation...i was once stopped on 60th street in NYC with my black male friend.....because he was wearing a hoody!! the cop was racist and luckily for me an attorney was present and we got to go AFTER he searched my friend..(he wanted to search me but i knew he could not and thank god, he did not...it was clearly a bad situation for us but we stayed calm because he had the gun and the power...when you have your hand in the lions mouth, take it out slowly...." (mom proverb)..:)
5. NEVER run or drive away from a police officer-
 don't grab for your wallet until asked--even then tell them what you are doing-they may think you have a gun or knife-!!!
if you are pulled over, turn off the car
sit in your car with you hands on the steering wheel, (they can see them), do not make any sudden moves or cell calls, they will let you if they feel it's secure and no crime committed--
  No one can help you if you make sudden moves, drive off, bend like you getting something from under a seat--it does not look right and it gives them reason to shoot--they "thought" they were in danger


6. know your rights! google them! cops are less likely to walk over an educated person who has family in high places BUT you need to know what is legal when your walking or confronted by a cop--so that you donot get shot like that young man. Dont argue with a cop for any reason--even if he calls you the N word or makes you step on glass (like a cop did to my friend)...until you get your lawyer---they are always "right"-do as they say so you donot get killed.

Your life is most valable-you have to know this and treat yourself always like royalty--the world will not operate the same without you, a piece will be missing. Value your life by NOT getting into trouble, educating yourself and being an asset to this world... you are loved and needed xo Tanya

what makes you special

Hi blog family!
I know you are doing well in school, making new friends, staying positive and enjoying learning because you know this will help you with a future!!

What makes you so special. have you ever been asked that? here are some answers you should be coming up with:


1. because the universe needs me to help others, not everyone can help effectively-- I have divine purpose and I know this because I am in foster care AND/OR I survived abandonment, abuse and/or neglect--not everyone has survived, since I did--I know I have purpose!
2. because the creator made me, and we all are special
3.  because no one makes people laugh and forget about their problems like me!
4. " I share and care about people i come in contact with, making a difference in everyone's lives that I meet!
5. I am unique, with gifts and talents that will help this universe move further along.
6. I am the next big thing: scientist to cure cancer, president, doctor, singer that moves listeners with my voice.etc..

I hope you get the point--you have divine purpose. Most of us do but never realize it. Always know the creator created you for a reason. Your parents were only a vehicle to get you here, now you have to figure out, (with help from your angels and friends), how to capialize on being special! Make a lasting impression when you meet ALL people, be kind, compassionate, and caring--you will always make friends and be a blessing to others. Remember you never know what state of mind someone is in: suicidal, homicidal, angry etc... so always try to MAKE someone's day with an act of kindness!

smile someone is watching you because YOU are special!! xo Tanya

letting go of negative friends

hi blog family!
back to school Tuesday.....stop complaining, some kids can't afford to go to school in other countries!! You need to know you are blessed and the universe has great plans for you!

Todays topic: bad friends, negative people or people that do you wrong....LET THEM GO!!!
have you ever tried to help a friend and they seemed nice but every time you look around they throw you under the bus??
talk about you,
leave you out of things, make fun of you, (when there friends are around), and then have the nerve to ask you to sit and eat lunch with them---and you do it---only to be teased again, tormented, made fun of.....NO WORRYS!! you are too young to worry!!
Your job is to learn to identify bad toxic people--especially the one's that act nice around others and only bully you when your alone and they are with a friend...learn how to walk away! 
Don't call them, email, text, fax, IM, FB....nothing!  WHY??

1. They don't deserve your friendship! if you know you have been an honest, good person, why waste your time--some people are toxic because they have no clue!! They invite you to join them at their table, sit and eat and as soon as the food comes...they take it away....not nice...
2. NO ONE should ever yell at you, (i know sometimes parents scream on us)..but this "friend" does not have the right to yell at you--EVER! people that yell and burst with anger--run away, this is what they learned in their home or group home---if they did not get therapy--they are not gonna change and you will always be there punching bag or yelling board!
3. They chase drama trying to live their past.... remember this: some people, if they were abused physically as a child and never got the PROPER therapy---they will seek out attention and do anything to get it!! they are chasing "childhood drama"--you wll be running in circles trying to be friends with someone like this--they never see the damage they cause because they "pretend" to be your friend--while creating the drama. they usually have a hench man/woman-someone that will cosign on there  dirty mean deeds--you can live without that!
Learn to enjoy you, there will be plenty of days when you will be by yourself--learn to enjoy it and then you won't be desperate to have toxic friends:

 they say in the substance abuse field "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results"-- you know what it is because your gut tells you from day one that person or persons are not right--follow it and your life will be less stressed!
Some of the things you can do to enjoy you: start writing in your journal, take a walk , ride a bike, learn tennis, read a good book from the libray---yes, i said read, fall back on the texting and FB/IM..lastly, learn to sit quietly......listen to what the universe is telling you...

Speaking in Maryland..

Hi blog family!

I had a great time speaking with the hard truth panel for the last time today :( I will still be speaking, writing, producing and doing tv! :) 

 My book is finally Done! "Surviving Foster Care & Making it work for you!" I will get back to you on a release date! 

I hope you started your school week off good! Keep up the good work, someone is watching that is younger than you!!

About the conference we spoke at today....

 What a great audience of proffessionals that really came out to support you! I can assure you--you are in good hands! You will leave brighter, wiser and ready to face this wonderful adventurous world!!

I shared my story and then gave some ideas I thought could help. 

For those that just came  in foster care-- I am sure you remember the day your worker came and got you!

I remember being hungry!!

1. I suggested that they bring a piece of food when they go to confiscate a child from their home...

along with a camera..to preserve their history! I never had a picture of myself as a baby or before 7...and the one picture I had....my birth cousin took and never gave it back... it would have been nice to see a photo of myself when I first came into care..

2. Be careful what they write in a child's record--it can follow us for the rest of  our lives....I remember when i read I was "slow"--when i first came in care!! I felt they should have considered I came from an abandonment/neglect situation....whom could I have learned from??? I did not start school until I was 7 years old....also I want YOU to remember to do YOUR part, good behavior, not fighting or yelling, going to school etc.....

3, Teaching you how to think positive, that you will be your own hero at the end of the day...by going to class, finding good support, loving self etc...and finding your gifts and talent at a young age will give you confidence...nothing like knowing you have "something" people appreciate.. your sense of value will increased..

4. hiring ex foster care alumni like us, My book, workshops I created, the blog of encouragement...you kids like familiarity...we have been there, done that and now as Oprah says...the AHHHHH moments, but we share it with you  BEFORE you age out!! You need to find out how you can give back to other kids in the system--maybe just a smile..yes, that helps a new kid who comes in scared and alone...just a smile for now...:)

I had plenty more but we only had 20 minutes.....know that alot of people are working to change the lives of kids in foster care, Do your part and listen to good advice, role model after GOOD workers/staff, don't give them a hard time, and know that Maryland has got your back!! xo Tanya

""FEELING GOOD!"

Hi blog family,  instead of your horoscope--here is Tanya's scope....

today I want you to enjoy your Sat off--no school!!!

..I hope your feeling happy and excited to be in this world..because YOU are needed~~ 

ONly think positive thoughts today and good things will come your way....

think positive and avoid negative energy suckers today....

you are about the positive and FEELING good...(like you won 1 million dollars and your going to get it now).....start feeling the million--and the million will come!!!! xo Tanya