Giving back, making money and not thinking you are entitled

Hi blog family! I hope your thanks- give- ing was good!

 I spent mine giving and then eating! 

 you must learn to give back BEFORE you celebrate turkey day and xmas... give food, gloves, old sneakers or clothes to the homelss. When you live in a group home You are less likely to have active parents to teach you about giving and how not to take advantage of something...

You need to see and feel why you should be thankful...not just for your life but quality of life, if you are reading this blog and in a group home--you are blessed to have a computer!! 

You can see and you have your brain or you would not be on this site!!

 The universe needs you to use your gifts and talent...you will find out what that is as you get older (some of you know) singing, dancing sports, writing, poetry, drawing etc...

On another note: I know usually after leaving foster care many will end up needing section 8 or DSS (welfare). You are still young to let this NOT be your destiny!

I want to challenge you. 

If your  family was on welfare before you went into care.....be working toward a goal to become independent of it- to never need it! (learn to save your $, have two jobs)...

I don't think welfare  will be here forever.

 If you age out of foster care and you need it--you should utilize it IF you NEED it and cannot find a job but know that you still need to keep looking and thinking of ways to get income so that you won't need it! Don't ever want something for free all the time--it is addictive and you will start to feel you are entitled..or derserve it! Welfare was sopose to be created for families who just lost a job or a mate or had a medical bill that put them in the poor house..it was to be used to "assist" a family on getting back on their feet not "permently aide them for the rest of their lives...You are never to young to learn what NOT to do!!

Often adults get caught in a traditional cycle-and teach their kids the same-(grandma was on public assistance,mom, so i will too or they pass thier section 8 apartment to the kids..)... 

there are times when fate happens...an accident that put you out of work, 

sudden death of spouse, 

family financial tragedy)..when you will have to go to get help with heat, (heap), food, or medical--that is ok, but if you are expecting it because you aged out of foster care....that is not the mentality you want. 

why? 

because if you think you "deserve" it "forever" then you will always be dependent on it-forever!

Start thinking of it as a temparary solution only and think of ways to get off....as you get older...

start making jewelry, 

teach your  language to college kids or foreigners,

 babysit...

clean houses/apts (all you need to start is cleaning supply's and references)

you know how to hussle if you grew up in foster care! and I don't mean selling illegal things...i mean hussle like "creative  new income" for yourself that is legit.

At your teenage years now. you could rake neighboors yard, walk dogs, clean up yards, you can always make legit money IF you do something or make something people NEED.. 

 Later as you get older, If you speak any language well, you can teach english...put an add up at a local college...if you make earrings, bring them to all the hair salons you know...craft fairs...you can always make money--IF you have something people need or want!!

 Use your brain power--people who grew up in foster care have extra--that's how we survived!! look at the show shark tank....these are people figuring out how to generate extra income or create a career for themselves--being their own boss. You can do it--anything you put your mind to it but you have to start thinking out of the box!! You are young, gifted and an asset to this earth, keep a good positive spirit and you will be blessed!

smile someone is watching you!!

xo Tanya

"surviving foster care & making it work for you"

Movie on 2010-07-20 at 10.32.mov

What does this holiday mean to you?

Hi blog family!

Today is a time to reflect on when the pilgrams tricked the Indians....lol...Just kidding... :) gotta have humor!!!

This is a time to reflect. 

I know we have been taught to celebrate but what are you celebrating? life? giving? love? the chance to help others? 

I believe every thanksgiving should start with early morning cooking, 

20 plates prepared and taken to an area you know homeless people would be today, 

and then.... 

come back home and have a feast of thanks!

--thanks that you were spared another year,

 thanks that you had food for you AND for others,

thanks that you have and give love to others,

 thanks that you can help others, 

this is what thanksgiving should be about, 

teaching our young to go out and help others first--

perhaps give away that coat you never wear, 

perhaps bring a scarf and old light worn pair of sneakers..

something to show the universe that you are thankful and a person of change.

If you give of yourself, it lessens your worrys AND the universe always rewards those that give by brining more peace and love into your life, Happy thanksgiving please reach out and help someone today...even invite someone with no family over, and then eat!!!

Tanya

negative media

hi blog family!
I hope you are having a great weekend!!
I read an article on NILA website talking about the condition of young black males-that they are in a bad way basically.
I want to tell you...stop letting ANYONe or any MEDIA put bad ideologies (things) in your head!! You are not in a crises physically it's mentally!! why? because we have allowed the media to judge us, tell us what is or is not good for us and what we do--we forgot- you are it.

Make no mistake there is no "problem with the black male eccept--he is allowing everyone to define him but himself! If you are a black male reading please know that your history says you were king. News flash...YOU STILL ARE KING!!"
 all men are created equal"
you have been told lies that "most" of you rob, quit school, in jail, steal, abandon family--and now the false wording that the media put on you is appearing to come true because that is all they show of you!
This is why I get ticked off at the lil waynes/nicky minage or any artist that promotes blacks as funny charectors rather than a people who come from a great lineage of kings and queens--but they won't tell you that--that is why you have to do your own research!!

 All people are great but we are only told about certain cultures or religions as to keep those in the limelight and portrayed as good- don't get it twisted we are equally great--all of us!! latino, polish, black, jew muslim, christian, ALL-
Everyone has divine purpose as I always say and you are no ecception!
WHen you hear negative things in the media about black men blow it off and know they are only talking about a few not all and they definatley are not talking about you becasue you are handling your business of being number one and enjoying this life!
You are king and should laugh when anyone tells you different... keep reigning but keep doing what you have to do to take back your kingdom--especially your mental kingsom!!
go to school to be: lawyers, doctors, engineers, scientist...kings creat solutions for the universe, they cannot be self centered or small thinkers, they think out the box--don't sell on a corner or sell your soul--you are king!!

keep your heads up you are not "extinct" you are in need of a new mental attitude!! wake-up!! Tanya
and anyone else this applies to you-you must think the highest of yourself-even in foster care!!

assignment for you

Hi blog family!!

I hope school is good, new friends, chances, new life.. I hope you are being the King or Queen you are...(not dragging lol...):) jk...

Your only job today is to go out into the big bold beautiful world smiling and "feeling" good!

 If you "feel" good good things will happen (so says the secret and me, i tried it)... how you feel determines how your day will go!

Please try feeling good today--no matter what obsticles come in your way--it works -your energy level rises and you feel like you won $1million dollars--and about to go get it---keep that feeling....

.have a great day!!

xo Tanya

what is your biggest fear after foster care?

hi blog family!
What will be your biggest fear after you leave foster care?  
NONE!
yes, because you are doing what you need to now to secure your future.
 Going to classes,
 getting a tutor if needed,
 staying away from knucklehead people,
 evil people, violent people,
you are only surrounding yourself with people who value you and help you become BETTER and enjoy life!
You are staying away from drugs and drinking because you know foster kids cannot afford-mentally or financially to "get high" - you know that you need all your brain cells to make good decisions and that ONE bad one-can change your life-forever..jail, rehab, gang, morgue..... 
I know you are saving money when you get your allowance-because you know in a few years when you leave--all those $5 you saved up for the last few years will turn into a couple of thousand--enough for you to give security money and one months rent or two months for a room!

You have no fears about being without a home--because you are planning and plotting your great future that will be full of adventure, fund, money, helping others and making things happen!!!
You are not waiting for anyone to "save" you because you know--you are the hero and the world is waiting for you to save it!!!
stay on your grind-stay focused and keep reading any self help books you find!!!
the world is yours--go get it!
 peace xo Tanya

remembering you are the HERO

Hi blog family!
I was reading an article today from Massachusettes stating they are behind and tyring to change foster care. OMG....some things never change!! and some take forever-we don't have time kids are dying!

HELLO! WHen will we all wake up? How many children have to become cutters, commit crimes, go to rehabilitation or the morgue? NONE!

I have been saying for years to anyone working with foster kids- TEACH KIDS THAT THEY ARE THERE OWN HERO'S! 
States are spending tons of money asking people who never went through the system or any situation without parents-how to fix it!
Does that make sense? I am begging all in charge to start hiring us - former foster kids like myself, who now consult with agencies, foster parents, attorneys. You will get the edge and save lots of money.
-------------------------
For my teens- I want you to start paying attention to EVERYTHING you do!
Getting to classes on time,
doing your homework,
 staying after for help when you need it,
asking for advice or help when you need it,
how you choose your friends..that go to class and do NOT get high or drink...
All of this is what really matters in the end.
You make you bed and only you will lie in it.  You can be happy now--not later--now!!think it create it- do it!!! open your bank account now--even if you can only put $1 a week!! Now - now!!
Don't listen to adults who complain that their life sucks--they did or did not do something to contribute to this poor, unhappy life!
If you ask anyone--including myself-any mishaps that I had in life--I take responsiblity for them because I had CHOICE and FREEDOM to chose--and chose wrong...
If you want a quality life with money, success, good friends, your own family and to be a productive memeber to society--YOU have to start PLANNING NOW!!! EVERYTHING YOU DO-NO MATTER HOW BIG OR SMALL-WILL BE AN INVESTMENT IN YOUR FUTURE OR A MAGNET TO KEEP YOU IN THE PAST...THE PAST OF BEING: broke, homeless, no friends, bad grades, labeled troublemaker...whatever...YOU put the titles on YOU by taking action to make a better future.
The next time a friend wants to drink or do something you know is wrong, ask yourself, will this effect my life in any way bad--if it does--you know what to do!!!
I write this blog in hopes that one kid will read something encouraging. you can write back you know..xo smile, someone younger is watching and you need to be a good example...you are the best! Tanya
ps. get off the computer so much (accept when you read my blog) and read a book, never forget how to spell or read a hand held book, what will you do if your computer is down??? read, get up get out and do something to challenge your life!!!
take a hike, walk, play a guitar, ride a bike, rollerblade, bowling, do something different, play lacross, tennis....something...don't stand in your little box, it only becomes smaller as you get older, step out and challenge yourself TODAY!!!

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: Maintaining your health

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: Maintaining your health: "hi blog family! my friend Ela reminded me how important staying healthy is. If you lived in group homes all of your life or with foster fami..."

What role does a parent played in our lives

hi blog family!

I know it is hard being in care, especially if you were taken from your parents, they died or they gave you away.

I have good news for you that should help you get through it!

YOUR PARENTS ONLY JOB SOMETIMES--IS TO GET YOU HERE!

yes, you heard me right. not all parents were meant to raise the children they birth. Why? Because the universe has many good people waiting to help you in your life journey. You must always remember this life is not about YOU, it's about WHAT you do to save or change a life. 

You were born with a gift that no one else has. You were born to keep someone else from dying or being sad. You were born to find a cure for cancer, AIDS. You were born for a reason!

Now that you know this-live your life EVERY day thinking: what is my mission TODAY to find out what my gifts are AND how can I help save or change a life today?

Your problems always seem smaller when you are helping others. Life has many challenges-but you must face them with your head high and walk proud because the universe needs you and someone needs your help- who are you going to help while helping yourself become the great star that you are? Go out into the world each day shinning like a star! You have divine purpose xo Tanya

Anthony Robbins - Reclaiming your true identity Self help film

Anthony Robbins: The Power Of Clarity And Purpose

surviving foster care and making it work for you is ready!!

ok the book is done-let all of your counselors know to hit the link above, I am working on a way for you to get it for free-be patient and know I wrote this just for you!! If you read it and obsorb (let it sink in)...you will learn something! xo Tanya

teachers can't teach or you need help?

Hi blog family!

just wanted to remind you: not all teachers can teach! 
Sometimes you may get a teacher (or a counselor) who is not really about change and may be scared of change- so they will not come across the right way to you- which means you may not do well in their class or with that counselor.
You should still always be respectful of these types of people-they are in a position of power (to give you an F or  with a councelor to not give you your allowance):( but :)
I can tell you what you can do if you get a bad communicator...(that means a bad teacher you don't understand or a counselor you don't get along with or they think wrong of you)-(without a reason..like u were acting up or acting out..)...
follow me...i know u can because you are the smartest thing on earth!!
if i say something to you 2 things happen: 1. you understand 2. you don't understand
when you are in a class with too many kids, not enough books, loud kids talking when the teacher is talking, teacher is soft spoken, teacher is reading from a book (instead of teaching you in a way YOU can learn (with pictures or examples)...MIS COMM UN I CATION!!! The #1 reason people are not understood or don't get a message being sent!
they don't understand how you learn or operate and YOU don't understand what they said or how to apply it to YOUR life!!! 

If you can get the teacher or counselor to see WHY you don't understand or agree with them--then you can start over.
 Let them know they are going too fast, they are being unfair, the information is too long or not clear--but let them know in a CAREfrontational - *that word was taken from my clinician professor- Dr. Harris Straytner:)
 (not accusing but concern):) no one wants to be told they are not doing a good job so find a way to say it that puts blame on both of you: " excuse me mr. x, I feel that every time you talk to me, it''s bad and you never tell me my good points, what can I do to get a kind word from you, change my behavior? am I too agressive/loud/....
If it is a teacher: excuse me mrs x. I do not understand what your teaching because you are going too fast or i cant visualize the formula to put it on paper, or i may need help, what should i do?

THe point is let them know what you need to understand-and sometimes  they may convince you to stay in the class-even if your failing--don't!!- ask someone to help you get out and start fresh..... ONLY if you know you are failing because your teacher if not effectivly teaching NOT because you have a learning disablity or your not trying.. (that would mean you need special education help-and that is good if you know early)..if you are not trying--try harder-get a tutor!!!
when dealing with difficult people-know that you are always in charge (by what you do), dont yell, be mean, act ignorant, stand tall, get help from a good counselor that can speak up for you.
 Most important: apply yourself--do all YOU can to get a lesson from a class or a person!!

 if you know you need help in a subject-get it now-don't wait until your in senior year and then cannot graduate because you let it go... switch class or get help as soon as you spot a problem and don't be ashamed-be in charge!

Remember: communication is everything when it comes to dealing with anyone for anything. hit me if you need me xo Tanya

how was your day

hi blog family!

i know school is going great and you are choosing good friends who are active in life, sports and have a goal in life!

 I was talking to a young man in jail-he is only 18!!! he is suppose to be going off to college, traveling the world to discover new things-not behind bars.
He admitted that he could have chosen better options-but chose to hang around knuckle heads who wanted to stand on corners and chase easy dirty paper! (chasing dirty paper only gets you 5 choices: jail,enemy's, injury (from all the gunfire)...addiction and death! Not good options for a person like you that is going places better than your parents!!!
He admitted that he use to be an A student but at some point because of his home life-he gave in to the pressures of the street. I was sad when he told me this because I can say-he is not no "criminal"- he just got caught up in the streets.
I tell you all this so that you know why you SHOULD NOT get caught up in the streets-unless you are out there promoting your new mix tape (because you rap or sing) OR unless you are feeding the homeless OR working for a runaway shelter and looking for teens who need a warm bed for the night!! Amel Laureux summed it up in her song: "The streets can't love you --please YouTube the lyrics... you were born into this cold world...(look it up:))

you are to love and respect yourself most: that means not putting drugs in your body, hurting yourself or others,  smoking cigs, having boy or girl friends who use you or treat you like garbage!
You are  here for a divine purpose-remember??
You was born for a reason and remember i always tell you my biggest lesson learned after foster care and becoming a mother: YOUR parents were only a vehicle to get you here! Some will ride us through life-others will leave or be taken instantly--you are here..it is no accident!!
 Those of us in foster care will have other angels that will help us learn and share whatever our divine purpose is...to help, save or change a life...
You must remember there is NO ONE like YOU!!! You are the KING and QUEEN of the universe- with that in mind---get your education, learn what makes you special and how to help others...

you do not have time for jail or any negative situation so make wise choices EVERYDAY you walk out your door!!
If you are confused on why your here -write me- i will explain and if i cannot talk to a counselor or tell them to write me, there are always answers- you just have to ask the question until you hear the answer!
I am signing off for now but know that you are loved and the universe needs you, so get your education and start finding a cure for AIDS or cancer please--peace Tanya

fosterparentsonly: Fostering Connections

fosterparentsonly: Fostering Connections

voting??

hey blog family, i know, it's been a minute, busy with this book situation, please be patient..
I had to go and vote today...not for the president but for others positions, senate, judge etc...
I wanted to tell you it is important that you all go to school and get your education because we have no good choices for canidates!! Most in politics are in it for the money and the fame not because they want to make a difference with the people! But I am ok if I know the future will be better. That can only happen if you go to school, go to college and major in political science!
I know that your generation would make better presidents, judges, senators because your group is fearless AND willing to make things happen quicker!
why vote? I know you don't need to now but if you are 18 here are a few good reasons...
1. because your ancestors were killed, hung, beaten and robbed before you could sit on a bus or drink from the same waterfountain!
2. because you can- it is your right-again people died for you to have choice---use your voice or lose it!!
3. The future will not get better unless your generation steps up and do something
4. you are smarter than us, you know all the latest technology and can figure out peaceful solutions quicker than my generation!!
5. because you know that without you, the universe will stand still for someone-because only YOU can make it better with your imagination and talent to do things different and just as effective!!
please google all you can about voting and see why it is important. You have to use your voice and voting puts people in office and takes them out but if you don't vote-someone gets through that will destroy our country. This is your country and you can help when your 18 by getting a group of your friends togeather and going to vote for the person you think will help bring america forward-not backward!!! much love to all of you in care and those who work with kids in care, please teach them to use their right to vote-the earlier they learn-the less they will NOT vote when they get older!!! I was lucky my foster mother was a civil rights leader AND she worked the polls on election day...get out and vote if your 18!!